Sexual Practices, Fetisches & Kinks
Sexual practices are as diverse as people themselves. What someone experiences as sexual can look very different from person to person.
For some, tenderness and closeness are what matters most, for others, it is lust, fantasy, or physical stimulation. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience sexuality. The important thing is that everyone involved consents and feels comfortable.
Sexuality can be experienced alone, as a couple, or with multiple people, and encompasses much more than penetration. The wide range of sexual practices shows how individual and ever-changing sexuality can be.
Important: Some sexual practices can also cause harm and involve risks. We strive to point this out wherever appropriate, while also keeping intimacy, lust and enjoyment at the forefront.
Queer practices
Queer sexuality encompasses a broad spectrum of practices beyond heteronormative ideas and rules. These include everything from non-monogamous relationships and BDSM to sex outside of a committed relationship. Research shows that many queer people weigh what makes them feel good against what is hindered by prejudice or insecurity.
What does queer sex mean?
Being queer means questioning norms like “relationship first, sex later.” Some studies involving queer people describe practices such as solo-sex (masturbation), sex with partners, or casual encounters. What matters is consent and what feels right for the individual. Some people even consciously choose abstinence and refrain from sex. Other studies have identified non-penetrative intimacy or group sex as queer practices.
The following examples are intended to illustrate the diversity of sex practices and give you an overview of the ways in which people can express their sexuality.
Alone, as a couple, or in a group
Sexuality can be experienced alone, with a partner, or with multiple people.
- Solo sex includes masturbation and using toys or fantasies.
- Duo sex can include kissing, touching, oral sex, penetration (vaginal or anal), or mutual masturbation.
- Group sex describes practices with multiple participants, such as threesomes, sex parties, or mutual masturbation in a group.
Each form can manifest in many different ways. Some people prefer gentle affection, while others enjoy more intense, energetic interactions or changing roles. Here, consent, clear communication, and safer sex strategies are crucial.
Masturbation
Masturbation refers to the sexual stimulation of one's own body. It can take place alone or with others and serves many people as a way to get to know their own bodies, experience pleasure, or relieve stress.
Some people stimulate their genitals with their hands, while others explore sensitive areas of the body such as the nipples or anus. Masturbation can take place in bed, in the bathtub, in the shower, or with aids. Some people use stimulation such as pornography or audio recordings to get in the mood.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it, and each person can decide for themselves how and whether they masturbate. Masturbation can be a normal part of sexuality no matter your age, relationship status, or sexual orientation.
Myth
Masturbation is a “man thing.”
No!
People of all gender identities masturbate. However, the effects of masturbation and the reasons why people masturbate can vary between genders.
Studies show men tend to use masturbation as a substitute for unsatisfying sexual relationships, while women are more likely to use it as a complement to sex within a relationship and as an expression of sexual autonomy.
People (especially women) who have a lot of sex and masturbate frequently experience higher sexual desire, greater arousal, an increased ability to orgasm, and overall greater sexual and relationship satisfaction. People who masturbate frequently but have sex infrequently, on the other hand, experience lower satisfaction.
There are no studies on masturbation among trans*, inter*, or non-binary people. While some studies do include them in their surveys, the results are still only applicable to cis men and cis women.
Abstaining from masturbation and “NoFap”
Between Self-Help and Ideology
Abstaining from masturbation and “NoFap”
In online forums, young men in particular use the term NoFap to discuss intentionally abstaining from masturbation and pornography. While many participants are simply seeking a healthier approach to their sexuality, research shows that this trend is driven by a wide variety of worldviews.
Why do men join NoFap?
The reasons are varied and can be divided into different categories.
Promoting health and preventing addiction: Many fear the negative effects of excessive porn consumption, such as erectile dysfunction or concentration problems, and want to “rewire” their reward system
Self-optimization: NoFap is often seen as part of discipline training to channel energy toward sports, career, or finances
Values and community: For some, abstinence is religiously motivated, while others view it as a game or a physical challenge
Why is caution advised?
NoFap communities provide entry points to various problematic views:
Conspiracy myths and racism: Radical right-wing groups use the topic to spread the false claim that pornography is a deliberate Jewish conspiracy to weaken the “Western man”
Misogyny: In parts of the movement, the prevailing view is that abstaining from masturbation turns men into “alphas” and helps them defend themselves from the allegedly harmful influence of feminism
Pressure instead of empowerment: Instead of fostering a positive body image, relapses often lead to feelings of shame or an unhealthy pressure to perform even within your own personal sexuality.
Bottom line: A mindful approach to media and your own body is valuable. However, when a community stokes hatred toward other groups or portrays sexuality as a mere power struggle, that is not a healthy form of self-help.
Knowing your own erogenous zones can be helpful for masturbation.
Sex toys & aids
Sex toys encompass a wide variety of objects and devices designed to enhance sexual pleasure, body awareness, and intimacy. They can be used alone or with a partner or partners. In recent years, research has shown that the benefits of these aids can extend beyond pleasure and have positive effects on physical, emotional, and interpersonal levels.
More than just a “toy”
More than just a “toy”
Sex toys can help people get to know their own bodies better, help them deliberately influence sexual arousal, and enhance their overall sexual well-being. A study found that the use of sex toys in the context of sex with a partner is associated with higher levels of arousal, more intense orgasms, and greater sexual satisfaction..
A large-scale study conducted across several European countries showed that more than half of the participants reported owning a sex toy and that ownership and use were indeed associated with higher sexual satisfaction and overall life satisfaction.
There is also evidence of positive effects on physical health. A study of middle-aged to older adults showed that regular use of vibrators is associated with improved sexual function, a decrease in pain, less distress from pelvic floor issues, and even a reduction in depressive symptoms.
Typical applications and benefits of sex toys
Sex toys can be useful in a variety of contexts:
Self-exploration & body awareness: Many people use sex toys to discover what they enjoy, how they respond to different types of stimulation, and which areas of their body are sensitive. You can find out more about sensitive/erogenous zones here.
Increasing desire & arousal: Vibrators, dildos, or other stimulation tools can intensify sexual arousal and make it easier to reach orgasm, especially for people who have difficulty climaxing alone or with a partner. By the way, sex isn’t just about orgasms. Read more about this here.
Intimacy in Relationships: Sex toys can encourage communication about desires and needs, thereby improving sexual satisfaction in relationships.
Therapeutic benefits: In sexual medicine, vibrators are increasingly being studied as supplemental aids for certain sexual dysfunctions, such as anorgasmia (the absence or inability to achieve orgasm) or difficulty getting/maintaining an erection, as stimulation through vibration can have positive effects on sexual response patterns and pelvic floor function.
Examples of sex toys
Term
Vibrators
Definition
Devices that use vibration to induce sexual arousal. They can be used in a variety of ways for external or internal stimulation.
Term
Penis rings
Definition
These are rings that can be fitted around the penis. They can help prolong an erection and make sensations more intense.
Term
Couple toys
Definition
Devices designed for simultaneous use with a partner, such as app-controlled vibrators that can be controlled together.
Term
Dildos
Definition
Non-vibrating objects made of various materials and in various shapes that provide a tactile sensation and are typically used for penetration.
Term
Anal toys
Definition
Specially shaped plugs or dildos designed for anal use. Safety is important here—for example, a wide base on the object helps prevent injury.
Term
Masturbators
Definition
Artificial, vagina-like devices designed to stimulate the penis. They are available with or without vibration.
For all products, it is important to choose materials that are safe for the body (e.g., medical-grade silicone), maintain good hygiene through regular cleaning with appropriate products, and follow the manufacturer’s instructions to prevent injury. Studies show that while many people use sex toys, education on hygiene and safe use is often inadequate.
Sex Toys & People with Disabilities
For people with physical disabilities, sex toys and aids can be particularly important. They can break down barriers, strengthen personal autonomy and agency, and facilitate access to pleasurable sexual experiences.
In Zurich, for example, initial designs exist for sex toys for people with spinal cord injuries. These are explicitly not intended to represent medical aids, as this would imply a problem to be solved, but rather to awaken sensuality, desire, and curiosity.
There are also products like the Intimate Rider. This was designed for people who, due to spinal cord injury, age, chronic illness, or mobility impairments, cannot take an active role in sex. The device requires less physical strength for the necessary movements.
Sex swings can also be used, for example, when both partners have spinal cord injuries. Support may be necessary at first, but using such devices can be a highly rewarding experience.
You can find more information on this topic here:
-
-
Enable Me
to website -
-
Enable Me
-
-
Der Querschnitt
to website -
-
Der Querschnitt
Fetishes & Kinks
Fetishes and kinks are among the many forms of expressing human sexuality and are far more common than has long been assumed. They range from minor preferences to pronounced fixations.
Fetishes and kinks can become grounds for treatment if they cause distress or significantly limit a person’s life.
Term
Fetish
Definition
A term from clinical psychology that is generally understood to refer to a sexual fixation on inanimate objects (such as shoes or certain fabrics) or on specific body parts (such as feet) that trigger sexual arousal or satisfaction in an individual.
This is only considered a disorder if the behavior persists for more than six months, causes significant distress, and interferes with important areas of life.
Term
Kink
Definition
A term from non-clinical, community-based usage that is generally defined more broadly than “fetish” and refers to any sexual preference, fantasy, or practice that deviates from what mainstream society considers “standard" sex.
In academic literature and within queer communities, kink is often distinguished from fetish by defining fetish almost as a necessary condition for arousal, whereas a kink is more of an “extra” that makes sex more intense but is not a mandatory prerequisite for sexual satisfaction. However, the terms cannot be definitively differentiated from one another.
Sexual preferences and fantasies are shaped by individual learning experiences and the sociocultural environment. At the same time, kinks and fetishes have increasingly entered the mainstream through pornography, the media, and public discourse. To date, there are no representative studies on how widespread kinks and fetishes are. However, a study conducted in the U.S. that surveyed users of a kink-positive dating app shows that 55% of the Generation Z respondents have discovered a new kink for themselves since using the app. Additionally, 56% of Generation Z respondents stated that practices from the BDSM spectrum are part of their sex lives.
Important criteria for exploring fetishes and kinks within the context of healthy sexuality are consent and mutual respect, without any coercion or psychological pressure.
SM und BDSM
SM (sadomasochism) and BDSM (bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, sadism & masochism) refer to a broad spectrum of sexual practices in which power, control, pain, and pleasure are explicitly negotiated.
Examples include bondage, spanking (physical stimulation through hitting) and role-playing with clear power dynamics, as well as sensory stimulation using wax, feathers, or paddles.
A central element is consent: everything is discussed beforehand, boundaries are respected, and the activity can be stopped at any time (e.g., through the use of safe words).
| B | Bondage |
|---|---|
| D | Discipline/ Dominance |
| S | Submission /Sadism |
| M | Masochism |
BDSM practices are commonly referred to as time-limited “play,” “scenes” or “sessions.” The participants deliberately plan them together. It is not a given that the activities will include any sexual acts such as penetrative sex.
Therefore, discussing things beforehand is especially important. For example:
Individual desires and preferences (e.g., roles, clothing, types of play, lighting, or atmosphere)
Dislikes, taboos, and clear no-gos
A mutually agreed-upon framework regarding duration, location, or any equipment to be used
In the section on sexuality and language, you’ll learn more about how to talk about sexuality and start conversations.
Toys, clothing & preparation
Toys, Clothing & Preparation
In general, anything enjoyable for all participants can be considered as a toy or clothing. The prerequisite is that it is safe and agreed upon. Ropes, blindfolds, impact instruments, restraints, clamps, sex toys, or certain items of clothing may be used.
A central part of preparation is the safety check. This includes not only protection against sexually transmitted infections but the responsible handling of physical risks.
For beginners, especially:
No activities involving the head, neck, or throat
Nothing that could constrict nerves or blood vessels
Nothing that could cause permanent or serious injury
BDSM & mental health
BDSM & mental health
Studies find no increased rate of mental health disorders among BDSM practitioners compared to the general population. In some cases, there are even benefits, such as greater openness, good communication skills, and equivalent or higher scores when it comes to mental stability.
The scientific literature sometimes describes physiological effects such as decreased stress hormone levels (cortisol) following BDSM scenes, as well as a greater sense of trust, closeness, and intimacy between partners. It is emphasized that careful negotiation, safe words, and awareness of risks are important protective factors for mental and physical health.
Safe words & communication
Safe words & communication
One absolute essential is a safeword: a clear, agreed-upon word that immediately stops the play, without discussion. Common choices are neutral terms with no connection to sex.
Alternatively, or in addition, a traffic light system can be used:
Green: everything is fine
Yellow: a boundary is being reached
Red: immediate stop to play
If someone is unable to speak, you can also agree on non-verbal signals, such as dropping an object.
Room for diversity & dialogue
Room for diversity & dialogue
BDSM thrives on trust, communication, and creativity. It’s okay for things to feel a little unfamiliar, funny, or awkward at times. That’s all part of it, no matter how much experience or prior knowledge you have.
Important to know: No one is alone in their desires. Many cities have open meetups and opportunities to connect, often in ordinary places and without any special clothing requirements. These gatherings provide a space for information, meeting others, and mutual support.
Counseling and information for people under 27 years of age are available from SMJG e.V., an organization that provides youth services in the areas of BDSM and sex education.
-
-
SMJG
to website -
-
SMJG
Sex & Drugs
Drugs can increase sexual desire, lower inhibitions, and alter sexual experiences by, for example, reducing pain (during practices such as fisting or BDSM), boosting self-confidence, or intensifying intimacy and closeness. At the same time, they increase risks ranging from unprotected sex to boundary violations.
Chemsex
Chemsex refers to the consumption of certain substances in the context of sexual activities, especially in parts of the MSM community. Originating in the 1990s, chemsex also spread through dating apps. Frequently used substances:
- Methamphetamine (crystal, meth, Tina, ice),
- GHB/GBL ("KO-Tropfen"- knockout drops, liquid ecstasy),
- Ketamine (Keta, Special K),
- Mephedrone (M-CAT, Meow Meow, Bubbles, Subcoca).
Chemsex can involve group sex and longer sessions. Not everyone experiences it as problematic, but there are health and psychosocial risks (infections, addiction, psychological stress).
Sexualized drug use outside the MSM community
Sexualized drug use also occurs outside the MSM community. The reasons and contexts are different from those for chemsex, but there are similar risks. You can find out more about the general effects and risks of various drugs here.
Practical recommendations
Learn about risks and side effects, e.g., on this page or one of the links below.
Plan your sessions (duration, frequency, breaks).
Make sure you’re up to date on vaccinations (Hepatitis A/B, Meningococcal C).
Get tested regularly for STIs.
Use safer sex strategies (PrEP, condoms).
Do not share equipment.
Plan dosages and breaks in advance.
Make sure everyone involved is capable of giving consent.
Set and respect boundaries. You can learn how to do this here.
Further Information & Counseling Services
-
-
IWWIT Map with Counseling Services
to website -
-
IWWIT Map with Counseling Services
-
-
Deutsche Aidshilfe
to website -
-
Deutsche Aidshilfe
-
-
Aidshilfe Bochum
to website -
-
Aidshilfe Bochum
-
-
Sidekicks
to website -
-
Sidekicks
Risks of sex under the influence of drugs
Injuries due to reduced pain perception
Higher risk of STI transmission through unsafe sex
Boundary violations, in extreme cases sexualized violence
Interactions with medications (e.g., PrEP, ART)
Dangerous substance mixing (polydrug use)
Risk of addiction
After-effects such as mood swings, shame, remorse
Risk that sex without drugs becomes less enjoyable
Studies have linked chemsex to increased psychological distress, particularly depressive symptoms and anxiety. Those affected also report higher rates of panic attacks, paranoid episodes, and non-consensual sexual experiences, which can increase the risk of trauma and suicidal thoughts.
In addition, recurring chemsex can lead to dependence, severe mood swings following sessions, and difficulties experiencing sexuality as satisfying without substances, which can negatively impact self-esteem, relationships, and social engagement.