Life Phases
Sexuality is a central part of human development and accompanies us through all stages of life. It encompasses not only physical aspects, but also emotional, social, and cultural dimensions that change with age, experiences, and life circumstances.
It is also important to note that every person has different preferences and ways of expressing their sexuality at every stage of life. To help you learn more about this, we also have pages on gender identities, relationship types, and sexual practices.
This page focuses on the unique characteristics of different stages of life and provides tips and suggestions with an emphasis on personal autonomy, diversity, health and safety.
Curiosity, Body Awareness, and Safety
Chilldhood
In early childhood, the focus is on discovering one’s own body, satisfying curiosity, and developing a sense of modesty as well as boundaries. Children begin to notice physical differences between the sexes as early as age two; by age three, they ask many “why” questions and experiment with role-playing and “doctor” games.
Sex education should not be viewed as the one-time delivery of information via “The Talk” at this stage. Instead, ongoing, age-appropriate sex education is recommended, starting as early as preschool. Here, children should learn to name body parts and become aware of their feelings and boundaries, and to recognize abuse.
What that means for caregivers:
Answering children's questions openly and briefly without shaming them (for example, use neutral terms for body parts)
Establishing clear rules about physical closeness and personal space, using principles such as “Your body belongs to you” or explaining the difference between good and bad secrets.
Monitoring doctor games and intervening only if coercion, a significant age gap, or obvious distress becomes apparent.
Reinforcing signals and words for “No” and “Stop” early on to better protect children from abuse.
Important: The boundaries developed together with the children should also be respected by their primary caregivers, meaning that even close relatives must accept a “no” as an answer when asking for a hug.
Discover & Explore
Adolescence
Adolescence is a time when puberty, the search for identity, and perhaps first romantic and sexual relationships all come together. Physical changes and emotional upheaval can begin as early as age ten, which is why early preparation for puberty and contraception is recommended. European studies show that many young people have their first sexual experiences between the ages of 16 and 18, though they generally form committed partnerships and start families significantly later.
Good sex education at this age supports the safe exploration of sexuality.
Important: Some people have these experiences later or never at all; that can also be completely normal.
Consent, contraception, safer sex, and adults who facilitate open conversations without shame or judgment are particularly important during this phase.
Adolescents may feel curious, uncertain, and have many questions. Their bodies are changing, their feelings may become more intense, and they may have their first experiences with intimacy, falling in love, or sexual desire.
At the same time, they are exploring their own identity, for example regarding gender identity, sexual orientation, and relationships.
It’s completely normal to feel nervous before having sex for the first time. Watch this video to learn how you can make sure you’re well prepared:
Here’s how you can support adolescents during this phase:
Create spaces for discussions about desire, boundaries, consent, and digital sexuality (sexting, pornography).
Actively bring up topics such as contraception, STI prevention, and access to counseling centers and confidential medical care.
Normalize diversity in sexual orientation and gender identities to reduce stigma and psychological distress.
Encourage young people to critically reflect on relationship dynamics (jealousy, coercion, violence and abuse) and to seek help when boundaries are crossed.
Autonomy and Relationships
Young Adulthood
In young adulthood (approx. 18–30), the focus is often on exploration, establishing stable relationships, pursuing higher education or starting a career, and, in some cases, beginning to plan for a family. Studies on relationship experiences show that satisfaction with a relationship is often relatively high in early adulthood, but depends heavily on communication and conflict-resolution skills.
At the same time, responsibilities increase: managing your own contraception and sexual health, navigating changing relationships, balancing sexuality with work-related stress, and planning for life ahead.
Topics: Contraception, protecting yourself from infections, orientation, sexual practices, reproductive health, autonomy, and experimentation.
During this phase of life, many people discover how to take care of themselves, what they want, and what they don’t. Relationships can change due to new life circumstances, new sexual experiences may arise, or previous notions of sexuality may be questioned.
Again, it’s important to remember: there is no “right” pace and no “normal” form of sexuality. In this phase of life, it can still be helpful to seek information, accept support, and take your own needs seriously.
What does this mean in everyday life?
In relationships, actively discuss desires, boundaries, contraception, safer sex and STI testing instead of “going with the flow.”
Make sure to be clear about your personal values regarding faithfulness, openness, the desire to have children, and the division of labor to avoid hidden conflicts.
If you experience pain, a lack of desire, or stress, seek medical or psychosexual counseling early on.
Even outside of committed relationships, prioritize consent, protection, and mutual respect.
Everyday Life, Change, Compromise
Middle Age
In middle age, sexuality and relationships often change due to children, work, caregiving, illness, or separation. A large study shows that relationship satisfaction does not follow a straight line over the course of a lifetime: it can decline during long-term relationships—for example, due to stress or conflict—but can stabilize again in couples with good communication. Research findings also indicate that, as early as middle adulthood, sexual satisfaction is closely linked to general well-being and aging satisfaction.
What matters is not so much the frequency of sex, but rather the alignment of needs, the quality of communication, and the experience of intimacy.
Important: Change is normal; phases of frequent or infrequent sex are all part of it.
Some thoughts that may be helpful during this phase:
View sexuality as something that changes and talk regularly as a couple about what feels good, difficult, or new.
Acknowledge everyday stresses (children, caregiving, shift work) as real factors and make a point of protecting “couple time” and “me-time.”
When there are differences in sex drive, seek mutual, blame-free solutions (for example, through new forms of intimacy, individual and shared time).
Openly discuss medical issues such as chronic illnesses, medications, or hormonal changes with healthcare professionals, rather than quietly scaling back your sex life.
Reflect on your own sexual history (Which experiences empower me? What do I want to do differently today?)
Address body image, aging, and attractiveness (How is my view of myself changing?)
Continuity, Adaptation, Life Satisfaction
Growing Old(er)
Sexuality remains important for many older adults, even as the form, frequency, and physical possibilities change. Sexual activity, and sexual satisfaction in particular, are linked to greater life satisfaction and improved subjective well-being. A study carried out in Germany found that higher sexual satisfaction is associated with one's own satisfaction with aging, regardless of gender. At the same time, widowhood, illness, the need for care, or age discrimination can lead to sexuality being rarely discussed or given support.
What matters during this stage of life?
Taking your own needs seriously, even if those around you “no longer expect” sexuality, and seeking specialist medical or therapeutic help when needed.
Discussing accommodations with your partner (such as different positions, more time for arousal, aids) rather than giving up sex entirely).
In institutional settings (nursing homes, assisted living facilities), actively addressing the topic, for example through training, guidelines, or counseling services, to respect older adults’ sexual autonomy.
Ensuring protection against violence and abuse, even in old age, and keeping barriers to counseling low.
You can find more information here:
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Wenn Sexualität sich verändert
to guide (in German) -
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Wenn Sexualität sich verändert